Tact As a Necessity

I must admit I've been putting this hub on my personal back-burner for a while, as I'm not sure how to present it without coming off as maybe a tad hypocritical, for explaining myself in every word I can think possible without being afraid of offending anyone, as this is supposed to be a tablet of advice; I suppose you could say. I always point out that I don't ever want to offend someone, but maybe discussing something like this is long overdue. I think I'll risk it just this once.

Ever since I've started establishing my own social persona, (Maybe you could call it getting out a little bit more) I've noticed the excessive freedom that a lot of my acquaintances would exercise with their dialog in regards to others. I've completely respected and looked up to the majority of these people because they never diminished or belittled any of their own feelings or anyone else's, yet they still maintained a grand integrity within conversation. Their comments would always hold a necessary correlation when they spoke, and no one ever felt the need to accuse them of flattery. These people understand the importance of well developed tact. Which is to say that there are rarely any incidences in their experience, in which they'll mention some petty flaw in front of another person, and of course offend them when there doesn't need to be any bit of offending. This is where I will explain what I'm driving on about incessantly, without any sort of my own gracious tact for the purely tactless. (The only thing I feel the need to apologize for at this point, is the use of hypocrisy that may or may not occur here)

There are many who pride themselves on being "honest" and "trustworthy", simply because they say anything and everything that is on their minds. This can involve some usefulness, but mainly it just deserves criticism in the fact that for these people, it's not recognized that offending people left and right, while not considering their emotions in the slightest should not at all (At least in my opinion) be regarded as admirable.

I don't intend to say that every statement should be sugar-coated. Honesty is necessary in life, and should definitely come around more in every day situations. But there are certain things about a person that should continue existing without being brought into an even brighter light than a person has already acknowledged. Everyone is self conscious to a degree, and positively aware of most of what they feel are negative aspects about themselves, therefor, why do they need to ever surround themselves with people who point out things that they've already uncovered about themselves? Such criticism and blatant negativity isn't productive for anyone, besides maybe the person being so "admirably" blunt. For example: maybe someone decides to go somewhere looking their best. They try to for once forget about their drawling insecurities, and for a little while they're able to... Until they come into the company of their ever-so-blunt friends. These friends may give her comments such as: "Why did you wear that? It makes you look really big!" or, "I don't think that haircut suits you. In fact, it makes your nose look even longer than it did before." I have to say that I'm thinking as I write this that even such examples are grotesque (And maybe a bit biased as they sound like things only women would talk about), but we all know that we've heard something like them before, maybe even from the most trustworthy of our friends. I know that I have. And when I did, I tried to brush it off by telling myself that they're just looking out for me while being open and honest at the same time. Then I stopped myself as another thought came to mind: "Why was that comment even necessary? Isn't it somewhat obvious that I tried my best to not thwart their seeming need to point such things out?" The truth is, it's not their place to say. Appearances never hurt anybody. Especially not such petty effects, as those that are commented on so harshly.

I believe that unguarded honesty should only be used when it's completely appropriate. In other words, their should be much more use of tact in society. When a person isn't bothering anyone, and aren't being a specific disturbance in any situation, shouldn't they be left alone? There are other people that can be rightfully offended. When someone ignorantly abandons respect for other people, they should of course be reminded that how they're treating others is wrong. They need to be deservedly reminded of their faults so that they can recognize and improve their behavior. When someone is being egotistical and obnoxious, of course they should be told why they don't qualify for being better than everyone else. I believe that that's what honesty should be. It should be a morally observed skill, instead of a cheap badge of "respect".

It quite disappoints me that tact is being seen more and more as a weakness instead of a strength. Those who demonstrate good use of tact go unappreciated and are considered thin-skinned when really, I see it as a strength. When someone can actually preserve self control and bite back their negative comments because they see how little it really matters in comparison to avoiding offense, I respect them more for it. But only if they can at the same time give stern advice and truth when it's needed. I don't expect anyone to get anywhere in life when it comes to emotional tolerance, if they don't get their fair-share of verbal bullets. I just feel their would be a lot less bitterness in society if we could just be more productive with our blatancy. Hopefully this article will somehow open up some relating perspectives, and shine light onto a subject that I've observed for quite some time now. Forever and always,

I thank you for reading!